'); } One more time I started sweating as a result of a feeling in my lower belly - that things are getting bad. I was just finishing my breakfast break at work, drove my colleagues to work and stopped by a mechanic to fix some boring issue I had with car ventilation system. When we finished eating, I felt kinda weird - that kind of feeling. Some call it butterflies in stomach, but for me it's simply a feeling that something ain't right. It's often followed by unpleasant warmth through my body, which in turn makes me even more anxious. I tried to overcome it by convincing myself everything will be ok and by breathing calmly. It kinda worked: we came back to the office without issues.

Issues, however, did come after all :(. When I was waiting for my mechanic, a sudden urge came to my stomach, alarming me in the worst possible way. It calmed down a little bit when I sat down, but it also came back when my position changed to a standing. I cursed myself and my darn condition, but was determined to survive the day :)

And so, after few minutes, the mechanic came, listened to me explaining what the issue is, and I was ready to go back to my office (mechanic is only a few minutes from my office: 5-10 minutes, but more than enough when IBS is concerned). What annoys me very much is the fact that I was totally OK once back in the office. Ok, my stomach was kinda upset for some more time, but actual situation wasn't so alarming as it seemed back at the mechanic's. It's often like that. And I would like it to stop.

I read somewhere on the web a post (blog or forum, not really sure) titled 'Nervous stomach is controlling my life'; so true... SO, SO true.

I'll try to share some of my findings in the future... A ways to cheat on my stomach, making it less nervous and more life-acceptable. Not sure if that would be of much help, but ANY help is welcome for people with the same issues (I guess, at least, based on my own experience!).

I'm done with this post now. I'm also done with disinfecting my house. It's time for bed (11.15pm), as I'm getting up at 6.45am. Life ain't fair!

Stay good people!

Personalization, with shivers

'); } It is not that shivers are result of personalization. Shivers are something I'm having now, when thinking of all the bad things that happen in my mind when panic / anxiety overtakes me. Right now, it's having a forplay with my nerves, trying to get me to the point where my stomach is threatening to ruin a perfectly perfect weekend. (It does that often, you know...)

Not really sure how did it look / feel when it started to happen, but I'm guessing it didn't change that much: stomach cramps, but only mild; an intensive feeling that bowel movement is coming - all in my lower stomach, under belly button; sweat drops starting to appear on my fore head, and intensive anxiety overwhelming me. If I'm at home, nothing of this happens - I might catch some diarrhea but it all doesn't represent a problem - as long as I'm inside. However, if it happens in public transportation (which is by the book example), it's a horror. What's worse, when it happens, I'm unable for any kind of social interaction, no matter who is the person I should be having this interaction with. It's like my vision get a little bit blurred, and the only thing in focus is the feeling in my stomach.

And I've been living with this thing for years now. My hopes lay in the idea that this is getting a bit better lately, as it probably is. However, when it comes back, like it did today, it seems to me as if I took a huge step back. And it's tough to feel that way. Internet is great because one is able to see that there are others feeling the same way, to read what problems do they have, how exactly are they fighting with them and how far did they get.

Recently, my only answer to this ibs thing I'm fighting is diet. Unfortunately, whenever I get a bit better, I ruin it all by returning to my all habits. Still, even some progress is still progress.

Therefore, my message for today would be: never give up! And take it easy (this one being more important).