Personalization, with shivers

'); } It is not that shivers are result of personalization. Shivers are something I'm having now, when thinking of all the bad things that happen in my mind when panic / anxiety overtakes me. Right now, it's having a forplay with my nerves, trying to get me to the point where my stomach is threatening to ruin a perfectly perfect weekend. (It does that often, you know...)

Not really sure how did it look / feel when it started to happen, but I'm guessing it didn't change that much: stomach cramps, but only mild; an intensive feeling that bowel movement is coming - all in my lower stomach, under belly button; sweat drops starting to appear on my fore head, and intensive anxiety overwhelming me. If I'm at home, nothing of this happens - I might catch some diarrhea but it all doesn't represent a problem - as long as I'm inside. However, if it happens in public transportation (which is by the book example), it's a horror. What's worse, when it happens, I'm unable for any kind of social interaction, no matter who is the person I should be having this interaction with. It's like my vision get a little bit blurred, and the only thing in focus is the feeling in my stomach.

And I've been living with this thing for years now. My hopes lay in the idea that this is getting a bit better lately, as it probably is. However, when it comes back, like it did today, it seems to me as if I took a huge step back. And it's tough to feel that way. Internet is great because one is able to see that there are others feeling the same way, to read what problems do they have, how exactly are they fighting with them and how far did they get.

Recently, my only answer to this ibs thing I'm fighting is diet. Unfortunately, whenever I get a bit better, I ruin it all by returning to my all habits. Still, even some progress is still progress.

Therefore, my message for today would be: never give up! And take it easy (this one being more important).